Friday Round-Up: August 29, 2014

Oh how I wish I was still in Europe. I’ll share some more photos and stories from that trip soon. In the meantime, I’m going to sigh wistfully at this picture of the view of Old Town Dubrovnik from the balcony of our room. Happy Labor Day weekend! I’m off to Michigan with Mike, my sister, and Matt to swim, boat, and stuff my face-hole with grilled foods. What are you doing with your holiday?

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- How to be polite.

- And: the four words you should say at a cocktail party. Filing this one away.

- How to plan a wedding in 10 easy steps, via College Humor. This is too spot on.

- 17 refreshing beer cocktails. A shandy with sparkling lemonade? Gimme gimme more, gimme more.

- I think you’ll want to see this: 29 insane photos from National Geographic’s Instagram account.

- Jimmy Kimmel and the One With the “Friends” Reunion. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel, back at it.

- Remembering a relationship, one chat history at a time. Warning: do not read this at work if you don’t want to cry in public. (Thanks, Amy)

- Top 25 romantic comedies of all time, according to Vulture. Is your fav on there?

- A sweet hug from a lion. Winnie does this to me every morning, but she’s 45 lbs and not an apex predator, so.

- Now here we go: 26 dogs hugging their owners. D’awwwww. (Thanks, Mito)

- The United Sweets of America. What’s your home state’s sweet? Illinois’ is brownies. I don’t get it, necessarily, but I love a warm brownie, so: fine by me.

- The American workday, broken down by hours.

Wedding Nightmares

I generally consider myself a pretty relaxed bride-to-be. Mainly because I’ve done very little planning so far, and the wedding is still 13 months away. But my unconscious brain? Inside there lurks an anxious bride. Allow me to explain. I’ve had no fewer than four ABSURD wedding-related nightmares in the past year (I started having them before we were even engaged!). In most of them, I’m throwing a hissy fit because of a bizarre wedding day glitch.

1. The “I’m Can’t Find My Shoes And It’s My Wedding Day” Nightmare

In this one, I’m all dolled up and ready to walk down the aisle when I realize that I’m barefoot, and I’m wearing a high-low dress so you can see my feet (clue #2 that this is a nightmare: I’m wearing a high-low wedding dress). Anyway, I’m BAREFOOT about to enter a formal ceremony. Cue the hysterics. So my mom heads out to the front entrance where guests are streaming in, and she starts asking all the female guests to take off their shoes “because it’s an emergency.” So now half my guests are barefoot and mad, and my mom carries a big ol’ pile of mismatched shoes for me to try on. I wake up before this crisis resolves itself.

2. The “My Hair Is In a Messy Bun and I Have No Makeup On and It’s My Wedding Day” Nightmare

During this nightmare, I’ve got my shoes and my wedding dress, but suddenly my hairdresser and makeup artist have backed out, and whaddayaknow, I have to get married in 30 minutes. I have no makeup on my face and my hair is in an ugly, messy bun. I frantically dial hairstylists but no one can make it in time. Behind-the-scenes, I beg my mom and my sister to help me postpone the wedding a few hours, or even days, but they refuse, stating: “Your Great-Aunt Bessie has flown in from Arkansas! You have to do this right now!” [Editor's note: there is no Great Aunt Bessie.] And so I’m forced to walk down the aisle, bare-faced with ratty hair, furiously sobbing. When I woke up, I was like, Hot damn, I’m vain.

3. The “My Parents Ditch Me On My Wedding Day” Nightmare

I’m all set to walk down the aisle, and my parents pull me aside and inform me that their new house flooded and they really must go take care of it, but best of luck with the wedding thing. To put this into contex, my parents are putting a lot of time and effort into building their new house. Looks like somebody’s jealous of all the attention her parents’ new house is getting…

4. The “That’s Not My Groom and YOU ALL KNOW IT TOO But You’re All Pretending and Dammit, It’s My Wedding Day” Nightmare

This is the scariest one. I’m walking down the aisle when I realize that the groom at the altar staring back at me is not Mike. This impostor doesn’t really have a face; it’s just a blank stretch of skin where his features should be, a fact that disturbs approximately none of the wedding guests. I start to holler, “Where’s Mike?”, and everyone treats me like I’M the insane one and assures me that this faceless monster is indeed my beloved betrothed. And so I’m forced to accept my destiny of becoming Mrs. Jorie Faceless.

Maybe these nightmares are my brain’s subconscious way of helping me prep me for the big day. In that case, thanks, brain! Next September, I’ll definitely double-check to make sure I have my wedding shoes, a hair and make-up appointment, my parents, and a groom with a human face.

Anyone else have recurring nightmares based on a big life event coming up? Please share in the comments if so!

Book Chat: Summer Reads

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Hello again! Long time, no post. I have no excuse, except for pure laziness on my part. In related news, this summer vacation has been a return to form, reading-wise. Here are the books I’ve crossed off my list lately. What are you in the mood for? …a novel about familial and romantic love, as well […]

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Friday Round-Up: July 18, 2014

Welcome to the weekend, ladies and gents! We’re in throes of summer and I’m trying so hard to savor it. What are you up to this weekend? – The best things about being close to your mom. Love you, mama! – How to beat your sugar addiction. – IKEA is launching a brilliant pet adoption […]

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Friday Round-Up: July 11, 2014

I skipped out on your Friday Round-Up last week thanks to the holiday weekend, so here are some links to get back in your good graces. What’s on tap this weekend for you? Mike’s mom is throwing us an engagement party for Mike and my immediate family which I’m super pumped about, and then tomorrow, I’m […]

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Book Chat: A Moveable Feast, I Feel Bad About My Neck, Bird by Bird, and The Invention of Wings

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Thanks to a cross-country flight and some time relaxing up in Michigan, I’ve been able to work through a spate of books recently. What are you in the mood for? …a classic, nonfiction story about life as an expat in 1920s Europe: A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway My old roommate and I share a love of […]

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Friday Round-Up: June 27, 2014

Happy weekend! – Happily ever after: one researcher says relationships come down to kindness and generosity. – “Hunger Games” propaganda posters. – America’s most stressed out cities. Is your city on here? – How to improve your luck. – Hey, I wrote this! The correct way to remove your eye makeup. – Oh, and I also […]

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Life as a Twenty-Something in Chicago

The talented blogger (and one of my very best friends) The Kate Keeper has been hosting a fascinating summer series about life as a twenty-something in various cities around the country. So far, women have shared snippets of their lives in Los Angeles, Washington DC, New York, and Boston. Today, I had the chance to wax […]

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A Proposal at 8,800 Feet in Yosemite National Park

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I’ve been meaning to write this post for the past three weeks, but my spare time decided it had other plans, like grocery shopping and watching six hours of “The Bachelorette” until I wanted to bash my head on the coffee table. Three weekends ago, I spent a glorious five days in San Francisco and Yosemite […]

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Friday Round-Up: June 13, 2014

Happy Friday! It’s been a long, hard week. I’m going to spend this weekend with family celebrating my grandpa’s extraordinary life. Squeeze your loved ones tight. Xoxo. – Unusual animal friendships that will melt your heart. – The perfect time to arrive at the airport: “The best time to arrive at the airport is as […]

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